What am I actually doing here

I read a post this morning. Someone naming the difference between an informer and a meformer. A meformer posts to be seen. An informer posts because the thing they’re sitting with might be useful to someone else.

I’ve been thinking about that all day, because I’ve been sitting on a post I wasn’t sure I wanted to write.

Four months in Morocco. That’s the longest I’ve stayed anywhere since I left Hong Kong. 600-something days on the road, 27 countries, and Morocco is the one I’ve stayed in the longest.

There was a reason. The people I’ve met here. The time I’ve spent on my own. The business ideas I’ve started exploring, the things I’ve started building. All of that shaped the way I’m flowing through life right now. I’m just flowing.

But I notice something has shifted in recent weeks. What am I actually doing here.

Morocco’s been good to me. Something here works for me in a way other countries didn’t. But four months in, I can feel the shift, and that’s a question worth looking at directly instead of letting it sit.

This is the part where it gets complicated. Because writing this post, right now, might be the meformer thing I just flagged. I’m using my own life as the case study. I’m putting feelings on the internet. People could call this yapping. They wouldn’t be entirely wrong.

But the question I’m sitting with isn’t actually mine alone. I figure a lot of people are probably going through their own version of this right now. The job they should’ve left two years ago. The relationship that became a habit. The city you keep saying you’ve had enough of. The change you keep telling yourself you’ll make.

Sometimes people aren’t sure where else to go, and so while it isn’t quite right, it isn’t bad either, and they stay. I feel that’s the comfort zone I’m in right now but I thrive outside my comfort zone.

When I left my corporate job in 2024, I figured this was a corporate problem. You don’t ask whether you actually want to be there because the bonus is coming, the next promotion’s six months away, and the salary makes the question easier to skip. Then I left. And the question followed with me.

You stay in a country because you’ve made friends and your routine works and the next move takes energy you don’t quite have. You stay in a project because you’ve already put six months in. You stay in a version of yourself because reinventing again feels like more than you’ve got this month. Or maybe you try, and the change just turns out to be a new outfit on the same problem. Same shit different smell.

I’m asking myself. Four months in Morocco, and I’m not really sure if I’m still here because I want to be, or because moving is harder than not moving right now.

I don’t have an answer yet. What about you. Are you too comfortable to move, or is it something else holding you, something you can’t quite name. Or maybe you’ve been feeling it for a while too. That it’s time to go.

So this is me trying to be the informer. Or maybe just yapping into the void. If it lands for you, the post did its job. Hard to tell from in here.

What am I actually doing here.